My Story

When Emmie was 2 years old, we were told that the chance of having a baby again was at about a 1 - 3% chance. She was a 30% chance. I was so devastated. I was told that we could be "helped along" if we wanted another baby that badly. I chose not to put myself and my family on that roller coaster. Plus, God had given me a daughter, she was healthy and beautiful. I believed he had heard my prayers. I had three wonderful step children I was raising as well, so my life was full. I needed to be thankful with my life and move on. In 2004, David brought up the idea of adopting after he had been on a mission trip to Guatemala, and spending some time in an orphanage. Emmie was on board immediately.....I wasn't so sure. Did I want to start over, could I love another child as much as Emmie and so on. It didn't take long and I knew it was what I was called to do. I read daily on my yahoo board, found The Story Of You website and counted down the months as the referrals were pouring in on a monthly basis. Only 5 1/2 months after our LID, I got the call. I saw Sophia's picture for the first time and wept with joy that God had found this little angel for our family. The day they placed Sophia in my arms I could not believe the emotions running through me. The love I felt for her was no different then my love for Emmie or my step children. I have never been through anything else in my life that has hit me as hard as adopting Sophia. I came home from China knowing that I would go back for another. That summer, we were in an euphoric state of mind in our home. Sophia had adjusted well, and I was the happiest I had been in years. Four months after we come home with Sophia.................. August 29, 2005 I took a pregnancy test to just make sure I "wasn't" pregnant because after all, it had been 10 years and there was just "no way!" I read through the instructions since it had been a decade and saw that it might take 3 - 5 minutes for your result. BAM.....the double line was there. I looked....... looked again.....re-read the results directions again just to make sure I understood them because it had to be wrong. But, I was indeed pregnant. I started bawling. I cried all day and took another test later that evening because it had to be wrong. I didn't want to be pregnant. Not now.......not after what I saw and experienced in China. Being pregnant would be selfish, I felt so guilty.........I had to go back to bring another baby home....I could feel it in my soul.......and now that dream was gone. I knew deep down in my heart what a miracle it was to be pregnant.........I was in a state of shock for 2 days and didn't tell David. He said he already knew......he knew before the test. He said I was glowing and he had only seen that look on me one other time in his life. It was in January of 1994. After getting over the shock of it all, I began to accept the gift I had been given. God was blessing me with another child of my own. I was still in awe........I scheduled all my doctor appointments and things were going pretty good other than this time I felt sick and tired. In November, I got the dreaded call every pregnant mother fears. One of my tests came back with results that indicated my baby, my son, might have Down Syndrome. I was devastated. They hauled us in for further testing and said the only way to be sure was to have an Amniocentesis Test. There was a small risk of miscarriage and what were we suppose to do if the test came back that he did have DS? Terminate the pregnancy? Absolutely not. That is not our belief.....and I knew that whatever God was planning, I had to except it and have faith. We declined the test and we told no one except my Mother and two very close girlfriends who I knew would pray for me and that I could lean on. I placed several 911 calls to God, pleading to let the test be wrong.......and not for me....for my children. I pleaded with God, literally on my hands and knees.......pleading for a healthy sibling for Emmie. She had prayed for a brother or sister so much of her little childhood life.....please Lord......look how much she has embraced Sophia.....she loves her with all her heart....please don't test her with this....please. And Lord.....you blessed us with Sophia..........she is a gift from you.....please dear God, don't let her have to deal with this on top of all the other emotions and questions she will have of her own someday...........please Lord...........I am begging you for the sake of my children. I know that whatever Daniel's condition is within my womb, you can change it, you can heal him, please Lord, hear my cry. I am putting my faith in you. The morning my c-section was scheduled I trembled like no other time in my life as I was being numbed for the procedure. As soon as I heard him cry, I remember frantically saying "let me see him, let me see him" because I thought if he did indeed have DS I would be able to tell by looking at him. I asked the nurses, I asked the doctor, I ask another doctor.......my baby boy, was perfect....he was healthy, he was fine. I believed God heard my prayers.....and after all my children left that evening and each taking a turn holding their new little brother, I cried again. Only this time they were tears of joy and thankfulness to God.....for I will never know if indeed God performed a miracle within me, but I look forward to the day when I can kneel at his feet and thank him for all he has given me.