I suppose if I were 13 - 14, I would be jealous of this beautiful girl. She was the student with the highest GPA in her grade on her team last year, she always looks great, accessorized, great hair, good athlete, funny, pretty, SMART, cultured, traveled all over the world, spiritual, strong minded, a leader and a giving heart when someone is in need. The flip side.....she knows many of these things about herself, she can defend herself, has a quick tongue when and if needed, she can show off, brag about vacations and the fact that she has "things" and "stuff" that many of her peers do not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Given this, I always try to be honest with myself and to others when I say "I know my girl can be a stinker too". HOWEVER........the ridicule and harrassment that she goes through at school from jealous peers is the hardest thing for me to deal with as a Mother. Oh, Emmie is strong, but strong can only last so long before you feel so knocked down that you can no longer take it. She is asking if we can move, about a school transfer, possibly a private prep school......can you even imagine me sending her off to a private prep school? I would die without her. The tears have been flowing in this house and it totally breaks my heart. This is why I have been posting and not commenting to many right now. Things have been crazy here. I try to talk to her.....some times I think it helps and other times she tells me I am making it worse. It is so hard right now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week.....a classmate of hers.....a very, very, VERY immature one spent at least well over an hour on the website that all of these kids are plugged into and went through Emmie's photo albums and left the nastiest comments ever. Trust me.....I printed several! For some reason, this particular incident bothered Emmie terribly. Her comment was "who does stuff like that"......"who takes the time to sit and purposely write cruel things about someone"? How did she respond......well at first she shot back a few harsh messages herself.....I tried to convince her to just not say anything, but she feels she needs to defend herself. Ok.......who doesn't...especially at 13???? I might at 40! Then......after a week of this crap at school, this past Tuesday.....she brought 2 brownies on a plate to school with scripture written down on piece of paper. It was in reference to "treat your enemies with kindness and expect nothing in return".....it was from the book of James. Well, you can imagine how that went over in a public school can't you?!?!?!? She even had another girl who is friends with this immature girl say "where are my brownies......I'm your enemy too"! Can you hear Sarabi roaring??????? That particular day she called me from her cell phone crying from inside one of the bathrooms at school. I nearly went through the roof. My girl just can't take it anymore......and you can bet with every dollar you have.....that I will not let these kids tear apart my daughters soul.......I will be there fighting and lifting her up until the bitter end..... until the day she walks down that aisle at graduation....with high honors no less.....and I don't care if I am known to be the Mother from "you know where" in this district......"my daughter" will make something of herself.....she's not perfect......but she is darn close! *wink*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't even begin to tell you how much my heart aches for her right now. Raising a teenager is not for the faint at heart. It is grueling. I keep telling her that we will get through this. That many, many girls go through this. I don't have the answer to "why me" other than "you are what many girls wish they could be". I know if I was her age.....I'd sure wish that I could be like Emmie Beckering. I'm thankful that this weekend she will be gone on a church retreat. She is going with our church and her most spiritual friend from school. She is excited. The retreat center they are going to is awesome. The following weekend we are flying down to see Gwen. We are so excited about that.....but I already know that when Emmie has to leave her, she will be sobbing. Gwen is such a mentor to her........it amazes me that two baby girls from China is what led our families together. And then after that, in March, we will be heading to Maui for two weeks. The school changed spring break this year and we book a whole year in advance for our stay in Maui. So she will be missing a full two weeks of school instead of just one. At this point.....I'm thrilled about that....she needs the break. The day we return, is the day her school spring break actually begins. She may leave the next day with her best friend and head down to FL with them. Hopefully, 3 weeks away will refresh her spirit. I just pray that I can keep my wits about me to get her through these last 4 1/2 years of school......so my friends.....buckle up....raising children is a rough ride.....a fulfilling one.....a tearful one.......and one that I wouldn't trade for the world.
After all, she is My First Love......
I love you Emily........
60 comments:
I am so sorry this is happening to Emmie. It brings me back to when I was in Junior High. I had a (jealous) girl absolutely torture me when I was in Junior High - crank call my house, call me names in the hallway, talk behind my back, etc. I was miserable. I can't even imagine what life in school is like with the internet now.
Sometimes young girls are the meanest people on the planet.
I know will worry about Briana when she becomes a teenager.
I'm sorry Emmie is going through this. Teenagers, especially girls can be really mean. Emmie is a beautiful girl and doesn't deserve this. Hugs to all of you.
Who would want to be in their young teens again I ask you. It's a tough time. I know that Emmie has been having a hard time. I'm glad that you are there to encourage her and that you are a Mom who stands up for her child. Is she going to miss Sat. night CNY dinner then since she will be off with her church?
Everything will work out ok. Maybe it is time to look at one of the Christian Schools in our area.
Oh girly , I do know how you feel...
All I can say is just be there and what you think is right to say ...will be right..
It is sooo tough being a child right now... there is so much peer preasure and all kinds of mean kids...
I don't remember it being this bad when I was a kid..
I think the time away will help her lots..
Hugs to you both..
Oh my heart breaks for her and for you. She just needs to hold her head up high and completely ignore them. They will stop if they have no effect on her (or they think that anyway). I will pray for you and even harder for the girls that are so unhappy and are doing this to her.
Kim
I'm saying a prayer for you and Emmie today. Let's get together soon. My business activities should slow down in another week. Maybe we can meet you before you head to Maui.
Happy Chinese New Year!
I am so sorry this is happening to Emmie. The best you can do is be there for her. I was teased and mocked growing up in Middle School and it was very hard on me. I know what she is going through and your support helps her in one way or another. You ARE there for her evey step of the way and she will appreciate it in the future.
With the Spring break coming up it will help her to get her mind off of things.
Girls can be meaner than boys!
It's so very sad how cruel children can be. I would definately say that they are jelous. I know that is not much of a consolation for your beautiful, sweet Emmie. As hard as it is for her and for you, how thankful you both must be that she is not behaving like the girls that are lashing out at her.
I will pray for you both and for them.
I will soon be 43 and am ashamed to admit that I still harbor scarrs from how cruel the kids were to me growing up.
There is always Home School..... just a thought.
God Bless You
Oh how I know how mean kids can be in middle school.
It is all because they as so jelious of Emmie.
You just tell Emmie to yell and I will be there in a heart beat to slap the Shit out of these snotty young kids.
No one deserves to be treated like Emmie is being treated.
I will be praying for strength for Emmie.
Hugs to all of you!
Mr.Brian
Oh sweetie, my heart is breaking for both of you. My 7th grade year almost BROKE me...I had several girls who wanted that to happen. So, I know (in part) what Emmie is going thru. (If it helps, Highschool was MUCH BETTER.)
Keep doin' what you're doin'...and give your beautiful girl a big squeeze from me.
Love you!
Lord Jesus, our precious Savior. I lift up beautiful Emily to you. Fill her with your spirit and comfort her aching heart. We know you assure us of trying times...walk with her/carry her through her current struggles and keep her strong in your Word...for we know All things are possible with you. I also pray for her 'enemies', that they see their wicked ways and repent from them. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen!
Raising teenagers is NOT for the faint of heart, I will agree. It's one of the most difficult things I've done. I'm so sorry that your dd is going through this. Teenage girls can be horrible. You are doing all the right things, and I'm hoping and praying that the situation improves. Take care. :)
I have a 14 year old boy and I realize there is a HUGE difference in raising boys to girls but I am amazed at how cruel kids can be..and they start so much earlier. Things have changed so much since we were kids and not all is for the good. My heart breaks for both of you..as I have always said "You can say what you want about me but when you say something about my kids, that is when the "MOMMY" claws come out".
Hugs
Diana
My heart bleeds for you. I am so sorry.
Lea
i am calling you right now ...
Oh Steffie..my heart breaks for you and especially for Emmie. Girls can be so mean and Emmie really doesn't deserve such treatment! I will be praying for both of you to get thru these tough times. I'm so thankful you're there for her!
De-lurking on this one! I have to agree that High school is better than middle school, but that doesn't help at the moment. Girls are so mean and I was often the brunt of mean jokes when I was Emmie's age. It is so hard to be the bigger person in those situations. I was blessed with a couple really good friends that kept me sane. I will pray for Emmie....strength, wisdom, peace.
You are an amazing mom and such a blessing to your daughter.
Hang in there...the prayers are coming your way!
I'm praying for Emmie and you Stef. There should be a contract saying middle school is hard and kids can be mean before you go! It is also so hard at this young, vulnerable stage in life. Hugs to all of you!
So sorry! Jealously is an ugly thing. I was relieved to read that you realize she might have a part in this, even though it is small, that's she's not 'perfect'. It's hard for some parents to realize this sometimes.
I've had some of these issues with mine (she's pretty and smart too, and that's enough to get other girls riled up!), but she's not an emotional girl (at all really!) It doesn't seem to get to her at all. (My boy is the one that is way more sensitive.)
I've always talked with Paige about why someone might be saying or acting a certain way (ie broken home, jealousy, etc) and I think that has helped her as well. When it's HER, I point that out too. She doesn't like to hear it, but I want to be sure she is sensitive to how she might be rubbing someone the wrong way, and causing a situation. I remember having conversations with her (much younger) about being careful not to brag, and being sensitive to other's feelings (how would you feel if we couldn't afford such and such, and your friend came up bragging about what they got? etc etc) The girls has been to Disneyworld 7 times - that's not a conversation to be having with friends that can't afford to go once!
It's safe to say that trying a new school probably wouldn't change anything. New kids, probably same problems. It's tough Mom, keep up the good work, she'll get through it. She sounds like a special girl.
I am so sorry Steffie! We are dealing with similar struggles but with boy issues. Junior High is no fun! You are an awesome mom who will be here for your girl and help her get through these trying times.
Oh, I am so sorry she is having to deal with this. It is so difficult when we can't be there to protect them all the time. I cannot imagine the way you feel right now ~ I get so ticked when a kid gets ahead of Annslee unfairly on the swings or something so I am really dreading the Big stuff!
HUGS to all of you! Gwen suggested Sunday lunch after church...then I can give you all hugs in person : ) Well, Annslee will give the biggest and best ones.
I am certain I know who she takes after :O) And you know, one day, my hope anyway, is that she will truly look back and realize that ignorance is not bliss, and feel sorry for those who persecuted her at all...
Hang in there mom. You are very right, you guys will get through this!
And I would like to put my two cents into this. Kids can be so cruel these days and its very hard to stay positive. But, you tell your daughter that those girls are just jealous. I know that doesn't help with things are going on, but she has got so much going for her and unfortunately there is jealousy out there. Surround yourself with those who build you up and keep you strong.
Just remember that you are blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom . . and count yourself blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable.
I have a 14 year old daughter also. I know what you are going through. Macenzie hasn't had it that bad, but she has had some. She just totally ignores these girls and goes on about her day. I am not sure how she does it. I am just thankful that she can. I will be praying that things get better for Emmie! :)
Kids can be so cruel. Emmie is very brave. This too shall pass. Crying comes in the night but joy comes in the morning.
Beverly
I used to be picked on terribly in school. It was awful. I faced it alone. With the support E has from you, there is no way she will not succeed. It is hard. I know. But it will make her strong. Right now,that is hard to see.
Be there for each other. Be there for her.
Keep smilin!
I am sorry for you and Emmie. It will be great for her to have a break from these mean girls and enjoy some resting time.
I know you'll get through it though, because you are 2 strong and wonderful persons.
Take care!
Girls these days are so much worse than when we were in school...kids in general..boys, too.
I dread the day that's sure to come when this will happen to my girl. It'll break my heart a little.
Hang in there. And just keep doing what you're doing. She sounds like an amazing girl.
I'm so sorry Emmie is having to endure this. It is astonishing to me how mean kids can be sometimes. I thought they could be when I was that age and it pales in comparison to today.
I'll be thinking of her..and of you.
Hugs!
I am so sorry to hear that Emmie is having a rough time. Kids can be so mean. It's horrible. You guys will get through this, just hang in there.
Please know that my thoughts and our prayers our with you. Emmie has always had to deal with some adversity it seems but this is absurd! My heart truly goes out to you both. Please tell Emmie to hang in there, focus on college, and the day she will employ those losers. She is the only one in this situation who will be able to look back in good conscience on all of this in the future- not helpful now but she will grow even stronger from this, believe it or not! ( I say this because she may believe it from a not-quite-so-old lady :)
Steffie,
I am so sorry that Emmie is having such a hard time. It is amazing how hateful girls can be, and how much younger at an age it is starting at.
Since I started reading your blog, I have had alot of respect for Emmie. She has a strength that I would love to have. She is confident in herself, and is not afraid to speak the truth, whether it be about herself or God. I truly admire that.
{{{Hugs}}} to both you and Emmie!
that breaks my heart. I'm sending vibes of encouragement and strength to Em and to you Mom.
I was so sorry to read this post this morning, teenage years are hard especially if you're the one that people are jealous of, just because you're you. When I was going through it, the headteacher was informed and I had the option to move classes but I decided not to, and although it was tough in my experience for me it was a good thing I stuck it out. The lesson I learnt was that if you're a strong successful character you unknowingly intimidate a lot of people, and they try and bring you down in whatever way they can. But if you remember you're strong and carry your loved ones with you then you can rise above it (and cry when you come home!) before facing another day. Its tough and I feel for Emmie so much, I really hope that it all works out. She's got a wonderful family, and when it was happening to me, that was the strong core I needed to come home to.
She'll be in my prayer - stay strong Emmie!!
Katie in England xx
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My daughter was taunted and brought to tears on a daily basis by the mean girls in her high school. She too would call me from the classroom sobbing and I would go and pick her up. I wanted to pull her out and homeschool her but I was working and didn't really know how to go about it. This is one reason my two little ones are not going to school, they will learn at home with me. I know you can't keep them in a bubble but life as a teen is hard enough. My daughter walks the walk with Christ and she and I both know this was Satan. They did not make fun of her because she was beautiful, they told her she was fat. She doesn't have an ounce of fat on her body, she is a runner. But she did let all of this get to her and suffered from anorexia for several years. I tell you this not to frighten you but this is a testimony I give often, obviously behind my daughter's back, because our little girls need our protection. I will be praying for your family through this difficult time. Big Hugs!!!!
I am so sorry this is happening to your precious daughter! I am emailing you with "Our story" now.... we've dealt with the same type of mess!
(((HUGS)))!!!
Dear Anonymous.....
I am NOT proud that she can brag at times....I was simply stating that I realize that she is not perfect and can cause trouble sometimes as well. Teenagers are teenagers and my point was not to just blame those that are harassing her. As I stated....she can be a stinker too....but she is not one that goes out of her way to intentionally hurt people.
Oh dear. Kids can be so mean. I have never understood it. I like that you can see her faults too, it shows that you're not blind, which is so good. OTOH, if you're not blind to that, you are also not blind to the kind, sweet, wonderful daughter that is Emmie. I'm sorry you have to deal with this....my prayers are with you, and your darling daughter. I'm so thankful that she is able to get away.
Oh man those middle school years are the worst in one's life in my opinion. I hope Emmie can rise above all this and it will make her even stronger for what lies ahead in life.
I remember in 7th grade two girls, who I know you know them, said some really mean things about me and to this day almost 30 years later, it still hurts. It is just so hard to go through and keep some semblence of self esteem. Just be there for her to vent to and she will make it.
I read your blog often, but have never commented. Had to write now, because you are so true when you say, "raising a teenager is not for the faint at heart". Especially I will add, a daughter. I have a 19 year old who is in her first year of college. She went through some similar things when she was in school. She ended school, with just a couple close friends. But you know what? That is ok. It's better that she came out with her faith in tact, and she will. Support her, encourage her, and she will come out on the other side. Stronger and better. I know it's tough now, but you will all get through it. Your family ties are so strong, and that is what she needs the most along with her church friends. I am dreading go through all this again in 12 years, with my China doll. Especially since by then I'll be 80 (just kidding) Anyway, we will perserve, and so will you. Blessings!
HEARTBREAKING! This is bullying in my parts, and there is a NO TOLERANCE policy in effect ever since the tragedy of Columbine.
She's strong, she should think about sitting down with you/the principal to put and end to it, with those comments you printed in your hand.
Not that I'm vengeful, I just don't think she needs to suffer this way. I always hated high school, and that's right around the corner for her, so I'd love to see her kick this in the butt now.
I am glad she has the retreat and Maui to look forward to.
Hugs.
so many have said all the right things, just wanted to give you a hug... I know there isn't much tougher...
Hope all of your upcoming trips are wonderful. I know your devotional book has to be helping through all of this.
I know you and Gwen will be such a strength for one another. Its a perfect time for you to visit.
Steffie,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how heart wrenching it is for us moms to watch our children be hurt by others. {{hugs}} to both you and Emmie.
Don't laugh when I tell you to keep homeschooling in mind as an option. I HS my son for 5 years for several reasons and it was one of the best things I could have done for him at that particular time in his life. I didn't think I would be able to, but we did fine and I love that time spent with him. Just adding another option.
Thanks so much for the prayers for Sophie! Hang in there!!
Steffie,
Please know that I am praying for Emmie. This experience she is going through is only going to make her stronger in the end. I am praying that whoever is hurting her will stop and that they will find the Lord. I pray for you as a Mother to find just the words that she needs to hear. Praying for all of you and sending my love your way.
With the advent of the internet, bullying and character assassination is taking on a new twist. I am sure you already do but watch her carefully. Talk to the teachers see if anything if at all can be done. I don't mean to frighten you but a neighbor's daughter killed herself from the harrassment. Stop this at its tracks, if you must, change her from school. It is not right for someone to keep badgering away at this beautiful child's spirit, sef esteem and good intentions.
Again, I am sorry if I overstepped my boundaries in advicing.
Yoli
My heart breaks as I read this post about your daughter. Kids can be so mean. These hurtful things can last a life time. Praying for you guys during this time. Hopefully with a few weeks away thing will get a bit easier.
Praying for you both! I am sorry things are so tough these days. Yes, teenagers keep us on our knees in prayer! May things improve and you guys enjoy the good things coming up! Steffie, the good news for "the boy" is that my teenage boys have not had to deal with such. Surprisingly, it seems the girls can be meaner to each other than boys. Boys just do their own thing! Emmie, this will pass and you just keep doing the right thing! God will BLESS you and use this one day for you to help others! Hugs, Kristihend
Steffie
I am so sorry that you are going through these rough waters right now, I know teen years are tough. There are those fleeting and few moments that make these days bearable but most of the time they pretty much stink. Chin up, your baby girl is going to make it through just fine. Everything she is dealing with is going to make her a better person in the end. Just keep being strong and listen to her when she does speak to you, Hugs!
I'm so sorry your sweet girls is going through this. Oh it brings back so many memories of the junior high years. I still remember when I started teaching 2nd grade and realized how early the little girl meanness starts. I was shocked!! Why do kids have to be so mean. I pray she is able to hold her head up high and have convidence in the beautiful girl God has made her. It will be nice to have some time away as a family! Enjoy!
I am so sorry. Growing up is so hard! I think Maui would cure anything! I hope things get better soon. Hang in there!
Brings back some memories for me. I know that it is hard on her. It is great that you are there for her like you are. This will make her an evern stronger young woman.
Sorry that Emmie is going through this prolonged rough patch. I wouldn't go back to Jr.High/High School for ANYTHING. For girls, those are just years to be endured, if you ask me.
I'm glad you're able to talk to her, and of course you're praying for her. You'll protect her if she needs it, and she'll come out of this a stronger and more compassionate person.
Did you have a nice dinner last night with RMJ & her family? I was at YC and looked for you, but you must have had the later dinner seating.
Stay warm today...it's below freezing out there!
Ug! I do NOT look forward to those days with our girls! I know how hard it is!! Hugs to you both, because I know a part of you wants so much to find the solutions!!
Susan
I'm praying for Emmie = that she will stay strong and that God will use this for his good - I have a granddaughter her age and she has had a similar but not as severe situation. These kids will govern and control our future - So what is she has opportunities that other kids don't have - I love reading about them AND I really believe that God will use those too for his glory. I am also grateful that she has a mom who is hanging in there with her. So many stick their head in the sand and haven't got a clue what's going on with their kids. Thanks for sharing your beautiful children and your loving heart with all of us - many of us you don't even know.
I am so sorry that Emmie is having to deal with all this! I HATED Jr High and High School for the same reason. I didn't have the money that the rest of the kids did to wear the brand name clothes and I was the "new kid in town" so I just didn't fit in and everyone let me know it for sure! Praying for you and for her!
I'm an occasional lurker and I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry how your daughter is being treated. I went through some of that in Jr High. There were the tall kids aka the cool kids and then there was the rest of us, the shorter the less cool you were. I'm short.
As a (substitute) teacher, when I hear someone talking unkindly about another person, I nip it in the bud. I have no tolerance for that. I usually make them feel bad, which is good. BUT after beeing in classrooms K-12 I can say that high school does get better as long as you are in the right crowd. Honors and advanced classes are full of bright students who (most of them) have more important things to do (study) than pick on the others. I wish the best to your daughter's kind heart in school.
-Christina
My heart breaks for what these kids endure at school. I know that that you both have the strength and guidance to help get your through. Hang in there, this to shall pass.
I'll be praying for Emmie.
Holy cow... so sorry things are tuff right now for you girl. You will help her get through this.
After reading your post I sit her with my heart beaming (as a youth leader) that Emmie had the courage to stand up to her peers with brownies and a scripture. That right there is a leader! She is a history maker in the making. She can stand in the face of adversity and that is something that many adults wouldn't have the courage to do. I am so sorry it hurts right now but from my point of view it is shaping her into whatever God has for her. I know how hard it is for parents to watch our teens go through these things but I have seen how it builds character in them. My heart goes out to you as a mom. I'm praying for Emmie, she is going to do just fine, I can see it! Blessings
Steffie,
I am so sorry that Emmie is going thru this right now with the people at school... I will never understand why kids have to be so mean to eachother. You really have to wonder what kind of values they are being taught at home.
You have a beautiful family and a very strong daughter. You are such a good role model for her :).
Thank you for sharing your stories with us.
Post a Comment