The Big Talk

When we came home with Sophia in April 2005, it wasn't more than 2 months and I was already obsessing about going back to China for another baby girl. Although while in China....I knew I would one day return for another. I began searching the SN lists because I was curious what the SN needs were and what put these precious children on a different waiting list. I came across a little girl that haunts me to this day. She had a round little face, pouty lips like Sophia and a turquoise hand knit sweater on. Her SN needs was that she had two fingers webbed together on one hand and on the other hand her thumb was a larger than normal. I thought to myself.....OMW.....I could take care of her, I could take her to the best surgeon possible.....I could fix these things for this precious little girl. Needless to say, it didn't happen, but it began my thoughts of searching a little deeper for my next child. Once our Dossier was on it's way to China, I brought up these thoughts to David. I explained to him what I knew about Bethany's COP lists and what kind of SN I thought we could handle as parents and as a family. I asked him to pray about it, that I didn't need an answer right away. About a week later he walked out to the swing set while I was pushing Fia. He told me he had an answer. He told me he was open to the possibility and we discussed some of the SN issues we thought we could handle. I have no idea if God will place a SN child with us or if we will wait until it is our time.......but whatever He has in store for us, I will except it without question.

Currently the COP list from Bethany Christian Services just came out. This will be our first time requesting children from this list. We are considering 3 girls. I have been doing research, gathering papers together for my Pediatrician, writing letters, and praying. This process has consumed my thoughts and time the past few days.......so that is where my mind has been. I am shocked at how emotional I feel over it all. I thought I would be stronger. Each picture I see........I cry........because I know that I could love her with all my heart. Although I know we will not be chosen, I feel it is important to submit our requests. There are several families that have been waiting far longer than we have and they deserve to be chosen first. Two of these little girl's would practically be a twin to Daniel. However crazy that may sound..........I feel so called to do whatever it takes to bring these precious babies home. I have never felt so at peace in my life. If and when God places another child with us......I/we will be ever so thankful.