Well it finally happened..............I knew it would eventually. I ran into someone in church a few weeks ago that apparently has not seen me for over two years. At least not during the "obvious" times. As I walked up to her while she was talking to Emmie, she was remarking how grown up she was, how cute Sophia was and so on. She gave me a great big hello and then looked at me, and then Daniel and said "Where did you get him"? That's right.....you read that right........."WHERE DID YOU GET HIM"......... As the hairs began to rise on the back of my neck and my 10 inch claws were beginning to extend, I had to refrain from saying something like "Oh , I picked him up at Walmart last week....he was on sale"......I swallowed my urge to say this and realized that last she knew.....I couldn't have any more children. She's an older woman who I have always liked, and I knew she really thought Daniel was probably adopted. It was just the "Where did you get him".......like it was nothing to adopt a child. I know I'm sensitive to these kind of comments in order to protect Sophia, but I guess you are never really quite prepared for an ignorant remark know matter who it is from. I then gave Daniel to Emmie and said "Look at the two of them, they look so much alike.....at least they do to me". Mind you the boy looks just like his Father. A true Beckering.....it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see it. I'm sure this will be an on-going issue for Daniel as he grows up between two sister's from China, but hey......it could be worse right? I'm just going to try and tame the Lioness within me! If not, I'll be sure to post my latest carcas!
42 comments:
you handled that just like a pro, way to go!!!
I agree, you handled it with grace and style!!
It's a sign of spiritual maturity to be able to respond with kindness and grace when you really feel like smaskin' 'em. I am proud of you. I have dealt with similar comments about our oldest kids being "not really hers". Made me angry every time.
Great Job... You did a better job then I would have..
Kim
Kuddos to you! You did great! Leah's right, it's a sign of spiritual maturity to just turn the other cheek. I'm proud of you! :)
Good job Mama Lioness. It really bugs me too and I do not go for the excuse that they are "older" In my opinion being elderly does not excuse being rude. At church a woman followed us around one day saying over and over how lucky Annslee was and hope she appreciates what we did for her some day, blah blah We just said over and over how lucky we are to have her in our lives. It will get harder as our girls get older. We will all need some spiritual maturity I guess.
I think people who are not a part of the adoption world, just have no idea. They speak before they think. I'm surprised she didn't see the obvious resemblence (sp?). You handled it great!
You did very well and I agree it is part of the adoption world. At least people don't think you are the grandma!!
Peter was just 3 weeks old when a woman (about age 60-ish) asked me about him. Then she said, "Oh you're lucky to get an Oriental. They're smart, those Orientals!"
sigh....
Teresa
Whoops! It's so hard to hold back on the comments after hearing someone say things about your children in ignorance really. I experienced so much of this before Olivia entered our lives. You handled the situation pretty well I think. There is a lot of ignorance out their about how people grow their families. It is personal but many don't treat it with the respect and privacy it deserves.
I think you handled it pretty well.
Non adopters really have no idea...it's out their mouth before they even really thought about it!
I SO would have gone with your first instinct on how to answer that question!! Sheesh!
I guess you did the right thing,but I would love to seen her face had you told her you got him on the clearence rack at WalMart.
Like I've said befaor we all make comments that nothing is meant buy but others often take it wrong.
Heyyyyyyyy.... Just wanted to say Hi Again! You have quite the talent with your blog! Put together very well. I have emailed you a couple times but never hear back from you. Just wanted to say Hello and hope your doing well.
Michele Burns (Clay)
You are a diplomat! Some people need lessons in tact & manners.
Keep smilin!
You crack me up Stefanie! You handled things the right way though. I have been asked some pretty crazy things myself. I was asked "How much did she cost?" when we first got home with her. People just don't stop and think before they say things.
Don't stress about it...it sounds like this kind lady is the type to look at a precious baby covered head to toe in pink ruffles with a headband around her head and ask, "is it a girl or a boy?"
I feel ya on this one. I got a "How much did you pay for *this*?" Complete with a hand waving in a circle above Katie's head. Sheesh.
Growing up between two sisters from China should be quite an adventure!!
Great Answer! I bet that was tough. I think I would have been rude and then regretted it later after the claws and fangs retracted.
Oh I can so relate!
IMy adopted son looks just like me. No one ever questions this. Until I mentioned to another preschool mom that we will be bringing home our daughter from China and her first questions wasn't anything to do with China as I would have thought. No it was, "Oh! Is your son adopted too?" and I was so caught off guard. It irritated me. I wanted to say "None of your business!!!". I guess though I will be getting more and more invasive comments when she arrives.
Better find a way to deal with it.
where do you hide your dead bodies?
Hey - you ever need any help?!?!? Just call on Anaconda Mama - NO PROBLEM!!!
I know the feeling. I have had several doozies as well and just think, "Are you SERIOUS?!"
Those comments are indeed frusterating!
That was thoughtless of that person to say that! You could've gone into a story like, "Well, he actually came out of my womb and...", and then proceed with the ENTIRE birth story A to Z. Show the scars, baby! That'll learn her for asking a stupid-ass question like that.
That was thoughtless of that person to say that! You could've gone into a story like, "Well, he actually came out of my womb and...", and then proceed with the ENTIRE birth story A to Z. Show the scars, baby! That'll learn her for asking a stupid-ass question like that.
Leah's comment is very true... unfortunately I lack spiritual maturity in my heart when people say stupid, insenstive, rude things pertaining to my children... We want to protect our children from these people but I am afraid I will not always be able to and this makes me sad. I am like a SHE BEAR WITH RABIES PROTECTING HER CUB! Perhaps we should start a Carcas Club... Just teasin' That wouldn't be very Christ like of me... By His grace, By His grace...
And my anonymous wonders why I seem defensive?
I guess in church you can't take someone down can you? Pews get in the way.
MEOW
YOu handled it much more gracefully than I woul dhave.
Job well done, Mom.
Whenever I have those experiences I don't come up with a response until I'm in my car, when it's too late. You are quick!
You did show some real grace there. Sometimes people just don't think.
Blogger won't let me comment above. Tim and I are busting up over the bridge video!! Hmm..I do that a lot too.
I can only pray that I would be ever so graceful.
Nice blog bling again! I always wonder if I hit the right link when I come here! I love it.
AHHHH when will people learn?
I am always shocked by the questions and comments people have.
You handled that so well!!!!
I also love the new look on your blog.
i think a little bit of lionness is good ...i have people several people ask me "what if maggie isn't as cute as emily." ... hello, did you just lose your mind and speak those words ??? all my children are "fearfully and wonderfully made" ... Thank You Lord for holding our tongue!! those people may not be so lucky the next time ....lol
I love how you are changing your blog... Do you do this every month?.
Kim
Good for you you are a true lady the way you handled that situation.. But I might have made for a more intersting blog if the claws had comeo out!!!! ha ha Take Care
If I got that comment I think I'd really bite my lip to not use the Walmart response! I envey your restraint.
Wow, you must have a huge church! Where has this lady been, Daniel is over a year old. And add a couple of months of "showing" while pregnant. I agree with the bloggers above though, you handled a difficult situation with grace. Sometimes I am just shocked what people say....even sometimes what I say. I guess until you have been there it is hard to know the right way to phrase things. I remember telling a mom how cute her twins were, only for her to bite my head off and tell me they were "surviving triplets". I would have had no way of knowing they lost one of their angels. Boy was she hot over it....and I was a stranger.
You handled the situation very well. I am not sure I would have been able to handle it so nicely! :)
It is very hard to say the right thing. We have gotten some looks in our new town but no bad comments yet.
I'm baaaaaaack!!! What a lady you are. Truly. Yeah, we do protect our little cubs.
I'm so excited that I can read your entire blog.... Must sit up all night and catch up... Oh....no... must get sleep first... Missed you.
Rony
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