{ What will she think }

I can't even begin to share with all of you how much emotion and anxiety I have over taking my sweet, precious baby girl back to the land she is from. It puts me in a state of constant flowing tears and I anticipate that this journey is going to be extra emotional for me for many reasons. I know that the adoption journey touches each individual differently. However for me, it was very deep. I will never forget as I stood there in the dining room, our last night in Hunan, thee overwhelming emotions I felt as I looked around the room. There sat my travel group at dinner. A group of families that grew very close to one another during that time and helped each other out no matter what the need. I remember going around the dinner table and taking a picture of each one of the baby girls. Sophia's Pingjiang sisters and families that I would remember forever. Then as I put my camera down and walked with Sophia through the dining room, the tears began to flow as I realized I would be taking her from the only place she has ever known. Her country, her people, her life......and I remember praying.....please Lord, let her understand someday and not hate me for it. It was so overwhelming for me that I remember the room began to spin, I felt like I was floating. It was the most bizarre feeling I had ever had. Then, four years later and another bio child, we were on our way to bring Andrew home. For those of you that followed his journey you might remember the day we left Beijing, I could not even do a post for that day. My emotions were so high, that when I sat down to type, I could only stare at the keyboard. My fingers wouldn't move.......only tears came. And here we are, just 6 years later, going back and taking Sophia. Finally going to bring our sweet Olivia home and I wonder what Sophia will think of it all. Will I have the right words? Will I know what to say? Will I be able to handle my own emotions? Will I not be in fear the entire time of losing her because she will look like everyone else? Will she see my fear? Will she see that she looks like everyone else? What will she think when we go to Livi's orphanage? There is so much going along with this journey this time......and I just hope and pray that once again, Sophia will look back on it and be happy were she is. Because without Sophia,

I don't know where I would be.