Since coming home with Andrew 9 months ago, he has not really said much about China or tried to talk to us about it either.....that is until the other night. He and Daniel got in a bit of a tiff, so I sent them both to their rooms and told them I would be there to talk to each of them in a few minutes. When I went into Andrews room, he was looking up at his referral picture that I have hanging over his bed. I could see that he wanted to say something to me about it. I went over and picked him up and sat him on my lap. Finally he said....."that's me" and I said "yes, when you were in China". To which he then replied " I don't want to go back there". I repeated the statement just to make sure I had heard it right because I was so shocked. He said "no, I like it here, I am happy here, I want to stay here with you and Daddy". Even just writing this out brings tears to my eyes and a huge lump in my throat. I held him tight and told him that he would always stay here with Mommy and Daddy and that we loved him so very, very much. That we were a family. He then asked what he was holding. And for a brief moment I forgot what it actually was and said "I think a car" and then I remembered and said....."oh, a piece of candy". To which Andrew replied "yes, from you Momma". I said "yes it was in the package I sent you". And he told me that he ate it and it was good. He then asked me about the clothes he was wearing. I said "those were clothes you had while you were in China". He told me that he didn't want to wear those clothes anymore. And I reminded him that he had a closet full of clothes just for him. So while we have thought that our sweet boy was doing so well, he finally let out a little secret that he just might still be a little scared about having to leave us. No sweet love of mine.....you will never have to leave us.
E.V.E.R.
42 comments:
Oh Steffie....I am crying also. How blessed you are that he was able to put these feelings into words! Oh I pray for this day with Emma when she can talk to me about her feelings. She keeps them all bundled up inside her little heart. Love you girl and give that sweet boy a hug from the Byrd's Nest!
What a sweet moment to see into your boy's heart. I am so happy he shared with you and you were able to start putting his fears to rest.
Oh, my eyes are full now too. So glad he feels like he can talk to you about his past. These kids are such heroes in my opinion, to overcome so much with joy in their hearts and smiles on their faces. I'm glad Andrew is home with you, too!
What a tear jerker!! What a sweet little boy. I can't even imagine what he's already lived through in his short little life. What a blessing!
I'm just gonna sit here and cry with you for a while.
Oh that sweet boy of yours just tugs at my heart! So glad he was able to express his feelings to you and you are able to affirm is always going to be yours! You are a blessed mommy and he is a blessed little boy!
Oh Steffie this made me cry...oh my goodness{{{hug}}}} Kiss that sweet baby for me.
Tonight Addison said a few surprising things to me that made me really think...
oh wow. he is so sweet.
blessings.
melissa
How sweet and heart-wrenching all at once. Sadly, your Andrew probably won't remember having this conversation but thankfully he will remember your response. That will be sealed in his heart forever.
My first daughter kept some memories for awhile but they are all gone now. She is 6.
Wanda (At Last...)
How sweet this conversation is!!!
He is a doll!!!
Debbie
The secret fear of some adopted children is that if they are "bad" they will be sent somewhere else. You did a good job, mama. Letting that little man of yours know he is not going anywhere. No matter what.
Awww I got teary reading this too!! Such a sweet boy! And so lucky to have a wonderful Mommy and Daddy who love him so!
what a sweet sweet moment ... i remember the day very clearly (10 months home) and Maggie looked at me in Walmart and said "i luffa you mommy" ... i cried right there in the store and called Scott ...
I miss ya sister !!
Oh my, that is sooo sweet and sad at the same time. It is wonderful that he has the language to tell you how he is feeling!! You are certainly one blessed mama!!
Oh my. Tears in my eyes as well! Bless his little heart. I am so glad he has found his mommy and daddy and Forever Family!
That is so very sweet....and I think that it is terrific that he is expressing his feelings and talking about China! I am sure he realizes you are his forever family, but at times he needs affirmation. He is so precious....
Hope you and the rest of the tribe have a wonderful weekend!
xo,
Lisa
Steffie,
This touched me so deeply this morning. I also had tears in my eyes. What a relief that must have been to his little soul to let that out and hear you say he was with you forever.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Kate
So beautiful ... this post took my breath away.
So sweet - I, too, had tears in my eyes. Its fantastic that he is able to express his feelings like this to you! You are all so lucky to have each other and so much love!
As you know, we are having very similar conversations here. Just short ones. But the message is clear. Sophia does not want to go back to China either.
How bittersweet. Thinking of you and your sweet Andrew.
That was so sweet ... brought tears to my eyes!
Have a great weekend!
Robin
What a sweet boy...my heart just sort of puddled up when I read that...
What a precious moment! He is such a sweetie pie! : )
Oh Gosh, how I love your son. He touches my heart.
Huge hugs and blessings,
Oh my how sweet. This post made me cry. Thank you for sharing.
Oh my word, what a precious post and what a special moment with your son.
Oh my, Steffie. What an absolute sweetheart. Those moments where they open up are so special, but heart-breaking just the same. He is just a doll.
You know I read this post yesterday and couldn't comment because I was crying. Our children have such a history and they are still processing it all and now his new life with you. He knows you are his mommy forever.
And we have had several similar conversations lately at our house, brought up by Will.
xo
Oh wow, that is a tear jerker. Miya often talks about when she was a baby in China, however she gets very upset when her Sissy says "you were born in China"- Miya insists no, she was born at home.
(((Tears)))
I'm so glad he was able to share his fears with you and that you were able to help and reassure him. Thank you for sharing.
Sweet little Andrew. So many hearts to heal...
So precious! So very precious!
Oh my Steffie. I am sure that was so hard for you. And unimaginably hard for Andrew. but how wonderful that he could articulate all of this to you.
It is so wonderful that he is sharing this with you, Stef...sooooo wonderful.
When WonderBoy is nearly 11 and when he sees pictures of himself when he was without me he still remembers every little detail and he has said the very same thing about the clothes.
Constant reassurance topped with mounds and mounds of your own special brand of love...that's enough to mend and melt anybody's heart...
xoxoxo
big hugs,
Dita
I am crying reading this.. I am sooo glad that he is opening up to you.. but it will take time.. and he has done so well..
Love you and your family my friend.. you are AMAZING..
HUGS
The fear of abandonment doesn't just go away the day the adoption papers are signed. I think Andrew reminds us of this by what he told you.
Thank you for your comment on my frosty tree pic! Hubby and I had a wonderful day out when I got that one and it has definately become one of my favorites!
P.S. I left you something on my blog!
What a sweet and tender moment between you and your boy :-)
I did cry when I read this. Steffie, I think it hits a nerve for so many of us. We go along and our kiddos are beautiful, bouyant and amazing, then...there is this piece of them and of us that wants the assurance it will not end, that the miracle of forever family will not be broken. I know Hannah fears being left alone, we continuously assure her, but she has that place of doubt I pray someday will disappear. Thank you for the transparency in this post...bless you for sharing Andrew's heart and your own...you speak to the hearts of so many of us.
Love,
Heather
Steffie, I'm a little late to this post, but as I read it tonight tears filled my eyes. To hear Andrew verbalize that is just....heart wrenching. He knows you love him SO much and he is home!!
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