In 2005, we came home with a daughter from a different country and with a different color of skin. That being said, I have been in a deep thought process and prayer for months now, deciding how our family needs to understand and be compassionate about this issue. There have been things that have happened in my life recently that have made me really stop and think about what adopting Sophia may bring to our family. For me, adopting Sophia means that we do not see the color difference. That she is as equal as all the rest of our children. Traveling to China made a great impact in the life of our daughter Emily. She has many friends that have a different color of skin. I also think Sophia and Daniel will as well. So again, I have to ask myself what will I do if any of my children bring home someone special in their lives as they are older and they are of a different color of skin? To assume that because David and I are Caucasian, that our children would choose to marry that as well, I believe is living in denial. And isn't it ironic how many of us wait for summer, so we can get out into the sun to get tan.....in essence, to change the color of our own skin???? An interesting thought to ponder isn't it? The conclusion I have come to, is that there is only one question that should be asked......does this person you are with have a relationship with our Lord and Savior? Do they have the same morals and value the life of others as you do? Should I not be more worried that my children marry a Christian Man or Woman then be concerned of the color of their skin? Did the Lord not create all the people in our world? Are we not commanded to love our neighbor as overselves? There is a song that comes to mind....a song I learned in Sunday School when I was a very little girl.....Jesus Loves the Little Children......all the children of the world......RED, and YELLOW, BLACK and WHITE, they are precious in His sight, Jesus Loves the Little Children of the World. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord is leading me to pursue different things right now. I never thought I would say this..... but for me....it's not just about China anymore.....and I believe these thoughts have been placed in my mind and heart by God for a reason......a reason that I will share with you all soon. I am searching.......deeply searching.
53 comments:
Great, thought provoking post! I love that image.
And, yes, I must say I am looking pretty, darn, fine, on my new ride.
Have a good one. We are having thunder storms this morning.
Lea
xo
I love this post Steffie because it really defines what family is. Not genetics, but love. As we plan our lives now to parent children from different parts of the world, how amazing it will be when we are grandparents and have grandchildren around us with different skin tones and ethnic backgrounds. We will be very blessed.
What a beautiful post. I have tears in my eyes reading through this. I can't wait to learn more about your new adoption direction. I'm so excited for you, Steffie.
Hugs,
Kim K.
What a beautiful photo to end this post with. As my older daughter has arrived at the "boys are pretty cute" stage in life, I've wondered this myself, particularly about the dating part, and arrived at a pretty similar conclusion as you. I'm curious to know what answers you will find during your search, but it certainly sounds intriguing to say the least!
I've never seen that particular photo of Jesus, but I love it. I have a bio child as well and I do hope that his views on skin color and different cultures are more accepting. I love that my chinese daughter has friends of all skin colors. It's not even something that crosses her mind when she meets someone (and she's all of 6).
If more parents were so dedicated to teaching their children to look beyond skin color, we could really change this world, couldn't we?
I will be praying that you hear His voice and are lead directly to your sweet child. Love the post.
Love
Connie
I also have tears in my eyes reading your beautiful and honest words. I remember singing that song as a little girl too. Where ever your journey goes to your next little one, I know it will be the right one for you and your family. :) Gail
I am thankful for this post friend because I am certain the Lord will use it to touch someone's heart... to bring down walls of predjudice... You are correct... we are all equal. No one skin color is better than another's... each one is just as beautiful. Each one is just as precious in His sight....
I too pray my children will marry a Woman of God and a Man of God... Yes, that is what is important... that they marry someone who loves them second only to their love of Jesus.
God's Speed to the desires God is placing in your heart.....
Let the walls come down....
Great post... You are sooo right.. even before we decided to adopt I have always raised my children to treat each and every person the same... it does not matter the color of the skin.. LOVE this post... I am waiting for you to share... Hugs girly..
Have a Great Day..
LOVE the pictures..
When we brought Annslee home I remember thinking that wow, we just shook up our family tree and how different it would now look for generations to come..and how exciting that is! We obviously don't sit around thinking about her being Chinese but it does come up around our house and I have read enough writings of older adoptees who warn about being "colorblind" b/c race is an issue. I know some families (not yours) who say they don't see their child as a different race but that is dangerous territory b/c everyone else does and they must be prepared for that..sorry, I went on a tangent...ha ha
I wonder who Annslee will choose to marry too and will be thrilled as long as he is a Godly man who cherishes her as much as we do. I know that likely he will be caucasian b/c girls tend to gravitate to men who are like their fathers but I don't really care either way. Like Kimberley said, won't our family be so beautiful when we have our grandkids at our feet : )
I look forward to seeing where God is leading you ....
Laura,
I am aware that others will see her differently and any other child we may bring into our family. However, within the walls of my home, my children will know that we as a family unit believe that all color of skin has it's own unique beauty....none better than another. ;)
UGH!!! Just lost this big reply to your post:) In the end though....GO BECKERINGS...run with this precious gift you have been given to see God's Glorious Rainbow!!! I smile so big when I see my family God blessed us with...How BIG HE must smile when He sees HIS!!! Can not wait to see where God moves you Beckering's to this time!!!
Holding you in prayer,
Diane...Mama to Joe, Jen, Jana Mei, Jadyn Hua and JOY Hua:)
P.S. smiled about your laying in the sun comment to change the color of skin!!! I am learning, in my old age:), if God Loves us just the way we are...shouldn't we??? My Mei...has also shown me the beauty of each and every Gift that comes from God!!!
What a beautiful & thought provoking post!
Donna
Great post.It makes us stop and think.
Thanks! I think we caould all use that.
Hugs,
Mr.Brian
Great post! So true. I agree that we should focus on relationships with God rather than skin color. I'm excited for you! God must be placing these thoughts in you for a reason. Very exciting my friend!!!
Great post! So true. I agree that we should focus on relationships with God rather than skin color. I'm excited for you! God must be placing these thoughts in you for a reason. Very exciting my friend!!!
I totally agree!!
Beverly
I thought long and hard about where I would adopt future children after adopting my 1st from China. It ended up being very important to me to adopt again (and again, and again!) from China. I wanted my children to have that bond and be able to truly understand what the other's life was about before they joined our family. I never had the horrendous wait time that people are experiencing now though. My youngest 2 were "waiting children" so the time frame has never gone more than a year for me.
As for the future, I just want my children to be kind, loving and happy. They can marry (or not!) a Buddhist, a Hindu, a Jew, a Christian, or a "whatever" as long as they are good people!
Your words were so beautiful & I also have tears in my eyes. It is so true & I just wish the whole world could look at it the same way!!! Love the photo!!!
Also, I did not get to post how amazing the new playground looks. OMG, absolutely beuatiful!!! Thumbs up for daddy!!!
I'm loving how God is speaking to your heart. THanks so much for sharing. It is all so true. I'll be watching your journey. Know that I love you kiddo. It is very exciting to follow the Lord!
Great post!!! and AMEN!!!!!!!!!
Debbie
I also love that picture with Jesus and your thoughtful honesty in the post really hit a chord with me as we are also pursuing an interim adoption. Our future will have to always have to deal with the "world" and their view of our multicultural/multiracial family but with God's help we will hopefully show His unpredjudiced love and acceptance. Why is that we humans look to the outside when the inside is what really counts?
Great post Steffie. Before Lottie came home I was all about China, learning their culture etc.
Just surviving the day until bedtime is all I am concerned about! LOL On a serious note, our family is not chinese, yes Lottie was born Chinese and Emma was born South Korean but here we are an Christian family and this is what we talk about the most....Jesus. Everything else will fall into place when the time is right. They have their own heart to search and discover what they want to know and we will be there to help them.
Praying God shows you His clear plan.
Great post, Steffie. I can't wait to see where God leads you.
What a beautiful post - such beautiful and true words...
First, I hear your heart being very serious about your feelings. Love you.
Second, You CAN'T do that to us! Just dangle a carrot out here in cyberspace and then say you'll give us more later! No, no.
Third, I LOVE< LOVE< LOVE the Pagoda!!!!! ; )
When we brought Claire home my mother-in-law asked if she would date white men or asian men. I informed her she will date whomever treats her well and loves the Lord. We don't place much stock in the outside of a man, just his heart and soul. Those are all the same color.
Bravo for listening to God's words in your soul.
you know how i feel about this ... i long to bring my children home from Ethiopia and my only prayer for my children is that they choose to marry a believer ... whether marriage is easy or hard doesn't really matter ... it is the foundation in Christ that makes the journey worth taking ... love ya sister !!! I pray God speaks clearly to you all !!!
Very thought provoking, thanks for sharing!!
Stef,
Absolutely...I didn't mean to imply that one was better than the other..heck, I wish I had Annslee's beautiful olive skin : ) I simply meant that some families try so hard to blend and overlook the unique qualities of their children and from the adoptees I have read it caused problems for them. Again, I KNOW you are not doing that and you do recognize that all of your children have wonderful qualities to share. I know that Annslee will face prejudice and it is my responsibility to prepare her for that. Sorry if my crazy rambling made you think otherwise : )
No matter what our race or religion we are equal in this world. It is a beautiful thing to be that open and I look forward to seeing where your heart leads you.
I love your post! Love it! In our house race is a non issue and to be quite honest with you, when I look at my daughters I don't see Asian, I see my beautiful daughters. When I look at my son's I don't see white. I just see my handsome boy's. My oldest son dated a girl that was African American (she was beautiful), a girl from Syria and a girl that was African American and Chinese. I never gave their skin color a second thought I just wanted my son to be happy! I want my children to marry someone with a good heart, I can care less the color of their skin.
I spend many hours in the sun working on my tan : ) Can't wait to hear more from you regarding this post. I am praying that what ever you are being led to will come to you loud and clear my friend.
I love the song Jesus loves the little children. I used to sing that at bible school when I was little.
I think we all at times judge people for there differances. whether it be the colour of there skin or were they grew up... Excepting our weeknesses and asking for help to over come them is what makes people better inside and out.
thanks for sharing, Enjoy your day
Wendy
Once again I am blessed by your beautiful heart!!! I will be praying with you that God leads you to your child...wherever he/she may be....how exciting to see what doors He opens for your family!!! I just love to sit back and watch God move! I absolutely cannot wait to watch HIM move in your family!!!
We have dear friends who just got home last week with a sibling group from Ethiopia. Two girls..ages 4 and 3....and a baby boy 4months old now! Precious children...this family already has 6 biological girls!!!!(Talk about a tribe....they have one...a full tribe of blessings from GOD...8 girls and 1 little boy!!!)This family is so inspiring and amazing!)
Love you sweet friend!!!
Never too many visits to your blog! I love your thoughts and am dying t know...are you considering Africa for adoption??
Happy 14th Months...
We are getting there girly..
HUGS to you..
I think you need to let your secret out.. you will feel much better...LOL...
Have a Great Day..
What a great post!
Well said. Thanks for sharing this. It needs to be said. Scripture over and over again prophesies about how God's kingdom is filled with people of all nations. I am soul-searching too. I want to see through the lens God uses--the heart--and not by appearance but I am not there yet. We are adopting through the special needs China program and as we show the photo of our daughter, I have been made aware just how much we all judge by appearance. Her special need is clear in the photo, but it amazes me still what people will say. So strange to hear what well-meaning people say about our daughter getting fixed. It is so personal now. Thanks again for sharing from your heart. I did that recently on our website and got some comments from people that surprised me, but then so many people sent such encouraging comments that I knew I had been right in sharing what I felt God lead me to share.
Leslie
www.youbelong.net/theirwins
Great words, my friend, your heart is in the right place!
Beautiful post Steffie! I too love that picture of Jesus. I can't wait to hear about what God has laid on your heart!
Love is color blind!! When we started the process to go get Anna Grace my Grandmother got a precious moments statue that had a Asian Child and a Little boy with blonde hair on it- It is one of my Mom's favorite things!!! It is sooo true that love is color blind!!! GREAT POST
Wow...what a deep and meaningful post! I just loved it. God sure is amazing and yes, I agree with everything you said. I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for you...Love you friend! See you soon! ;)
This is such a great post!!!
What a great post. It really does make one think. I grew up in Mississippi, Meridian to be exact and if you watch Oprah you will know she was here telling us how fat we were :). I am about 45 mins. from Philadelphia, MS. However to comment, I would like to say that I grew up with parents who only saw black & white, it was about skin color. We did not have black friends. I even remember having a friend from pakistan, not only was she from there, but she was also married to a black guy who was in the military. I worked with her at my first job and we became friends. I eventually wasn't allowed to hang around her.
Where I am from, interracial marriages are just not something that is accepted, even in these days. Blacks go to black churches and whites go to white churches, I've been to a black church for my work and been the only white person in there and I might say that it was the best service I had ever been too.
I like to think that I am not racist, but, I must say that I have come across people in my home town who still bring up slavery and its about what they are owed. I even have a friend that I worked with for 14 years and through those 14 years not a time went by that she didn't bring up a black issue. She is well-educated, but her comment is sometthing like this "they won't fire me, because I am black, and they know they can't" so basically that gives her a free card to do anything in her words.
I feel sorry for children who are a product of interracial marriages because they are the ones that suffer when they go to school. I do not use the N word and I do not hang w/ people who do. But, I've been told there is a difference between black and N and if I have to judge that on an educated black man who works for his family vs. the guys who are taking advantage of the welfare system and never holding a job, and the young girls who drag there kids around and have them just to be having. The children unfortunately are the ones who suffer.
I apologize if anyone is offended. I do read a ton of adoption blogs on here because I do want to adopt one day sooooo bad and currently God is working in my life helping me get myself together, I always thought about China or Russia. I want so bad to give a child a home and a better life, something beyond their imagination. Anyway, I was just commenting, but hopefully not banned from adoption blogs.
and by the way, the little song you were singing, I remember singing that in sunday school as well.
Great post. I think you're right on.
I'm anxiously awaiting your next post ...
I love this post..
Search your soul, you'll find the answers..
Steffie,
I've been thinking about you since we hit the big 14 yesterday. So, I come to see what you've been up to. WOW!!!! First - I want to borrow your husband. The pagoda is gorgeous!!!!!!! I'm trying really hard not to be jealous. Then I saw the post about skin color. All I can say is AMEN! You go girl. Also, I wanted to tell you I've copied that pic of Jesus & the children. I've never seen that one before. BEAUTIFUL.
Hang in there girl. God is going to get us all through this.
I'll be praying that you find peace in whatever decision is to be made.
-Charity
You know I am with you all the way on this one, Stef...I told you I didn't care WHAT my next kiddo looked like - pink, green, or purple! Just gimme a baby to love!
MISS YOU!
What a sweet..honest & moving post! You said it well Girlfriend!...
I'm reminded by the verse in the bible where it talks about Jesus.. not being accepted in his own town... "his own knew him not.." He was the same skin tone as they were... & look what happened!
They didn't believe in Him or his teachings... that's what happened.
You know.. SOME people.. you just can't please! But, that's just where we miss the mark.. it's not people we should be pleasing ... It's God!! Jesus was the perfect example of this!
I love the picture! Just Precious!
i guess you didn't know the debate you would get started with this ..huh?!! lol!!
Love in Christ!
Keisha
Hey It's been several days now,how about some more info.
Is this one of those make Mr.Brian wait things?
Ohhh the stress you women cause me......It is a wonder I keep coming back.LOLOLOL
You know I will cuz I luv ya dear!!
Hugs,
Hmmm 10 more days from Friday...
Beware.
Beautiful post, I would also like to add that I accept my children's choice in life partner. No matter the color or gender. My love for my children does not have exceptions.
I will pray that you hear God's plan for you clearly.
This also made me think of a song I learned. What color is God's skin. it is black, brown, yellow. It is red it is white...every man is the same in the good Lod's sight.
Best,
Kim
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