Can I just say that I feel like the WORST Mom in the world right now? Daniel was whimpering around 5:00AM this morning and I went to check on him...... twice even. He wasn't awake, however, I thought I could smell poopy pants. But I wasn't sure. It did not appear to be one of his wreaking blow outs, so due to the fact that he is cutting his molars and I did give him a few new foods last night....I thought it was just "faint" gas.
I was coming down the stairs from Sophia's room when I hear him just shrieking over the moniter. I quickly pour her some OJ and run up his stairs to his room. He is standing up and frantically trying to get his PJ's off. I knew instantly there was a problem. As I laid him down on his changing table, he is just thrashing....I mean I was grabbing anything I could to give him so he would calm down. As I un-zip his jammies I can CLEARLY see that he has had a MAJOR blow out and I have no idea how long he slept in it. Guilt sets in.
As I am trying to clean him off he is just screaming and will hardly let me even touch his little ding dong and go-nads. In fact, his little hands are shaking and he is trying to cover his peeper. I feel awful! Nearly in tears! Mind you, EVERYTHING down there is BRIGHT red. I manage to get a diaper on, give him his bottle of warm milk and then I decided to put him in the tub thinking that might make the rash feel better. He screamed! Sophia comes running to the bathroom asking "what's the matter with Deedal"? I told her he was sick. She says "ok mom, I go watch Einstein's on the couch....then yells out "wub you Deedal"! Priceless!
The bath was only a few minutes and I got him out. When I looked at the peeper and boys again, it was not a pretty sight. The boys were rock hard and red. I have told you people several times that this is way out of my comfort zone. My eye balls nearly popped out of my head.....he's nearly 14 months old and his go-nads are red, hard and huge! I tell myself not to freak as I look at my watch to see that the Doctors office opens in 15 minutes. I've already decided we're going. I get my appointment and 45 minutes before we leave I go upstairs to tell Emmie she has to get up and watch Sophia because something is wrong with Daniel's ding-dong. You can image the reaction on that one can't you?!?!?!?! ;)
Then....the dreaded phone call to the Doctor's office was enough to humiliate me for the day. As I am on hold...I am contemplating on how to exactly say what the problem. Ah, Hi, yes, this is Stefanie Beckering and I need to have my son Daniel see Dr. Breitweiser as soon as possible. Nurse on phone......what are his symptoms.........Ah, well, I think he slept in a poopy diaper last night and um his little ah peeper is all red and ah...ah.....his (OMG) his....his......testicles are red and really ah....hard????????? (vomit from embarrassment)
I load Thing 1 (excuse me)...Thing 2 into the car ( see the balls are confusing me) and off we go. I get stuck behind Grandpa that is out for his morning drive. Ah yes...the lake, the trees, the beauty......and the Mama Machine is nearly running his little Saab over.......I want to put down my window and yell.......Pull over....buddy.....I need to get by.....we have over-sized go-nad testicles in here! This is an EMERGENCY! Zoooooooooooooommmmm........I pass him!
So basically I get to the Doctors office ( I have the best Ped in the world) and she says he needs a Rx. It's not infected, but he is probably pretty uncomfortable. Oh......the balls have shrunk down some since my initial freak out! Mind you.....Simba is screaming again during the exam......because after all, Mama is suppose to be the only one caring for "those" at this point in his little life. Sigh......
She prescribes me Magic Butt Creme.......anyone ever heard of it? It even says it on the Rx bottle. Couldn't believe it. So THAT my dear friends is how I started off my Monday morning. And I won't even go into Sophia's naughty antics for the day! UGH! Poor little guy....he's been sleeping for nearly 3 hours. However, I'm thinking cold cocktails on the little sun deck tonight! Want to come join me?
45 comments:
I hope poor little Daniel gets his bottom healed soon.. Don't feel bad.. Things happen, you are still a GREAT mother..
Hope you have a better day..
Kim
I have heard of this magic butt cream.
If they made a magic butt cream for women it wouldn't sooth the rash but, shrink my ass.
I hope your little man's little parts are back to normal soon.
You are not a bad momma, trust me, this is the stuff of life.
It's messy.
Ohhh...poor little guy. You had me laughing though in your description of your morning and yes I think you deserve good relaxing cocktail tonight!
Girl, you should have called me and I'll come over any time for a drink or maybe a rootbear float! You are going to be hilarious as you work your way through these boy issues. I can't wait until puberty!!!
Yes Ms. Dragonfly I agree with you on the magic Butt Creme...I nearly asked her, but thought better of it!
The afternoon with Simba has not been much better....hoping to hold off on that drink until he is in bed. Perhaps I am being prepared for daughter number 2 from China? Is it 7:30 PM yet?????? Anywhere??????
With my boys, I found any yeast infection cream (like monostat) worked by far the BEST for any diaper rashes my boys ever had!! I guess the infections they get are actually yeast infections on their butts! I didn't know that! But after using it once...I was hooked and didn't use any other creams on their butts again!
Maybe you can also try not giving him any milk product for a few days till it clears up! Dairy can sometimes irritate the bowels and cause some rashes when they are not feeling well!!
Good luck!!
I am splitting a gut here.I am sorry to hear about the little one's winkie and nurts hurting.But your humor and writting are just up my alley.I love nothing more then to get a little crazy and the more I get to know you the more I like you.
I am starting to think you may be a long lost family member I never knew.You are sooooooooooo NUTS like me.... I L O V E I T!!!!!Keep it up....
I know it was probably funny to read, but I gotta tell ya people, I am at my whits end today. He has been a true Simba today....and I am wasted tired!
If it makes you feel any better, every boy's mom has been through this. Thankfully, now you have Magic Butt Cream for the next episode, because believe me, there WILL BE a next time!
Poor Daniel, but you are hilarious!!!! See, once again I am glad that I have girls :-)
I think it far to say every mom has had a really bad case of diaper rash. The worst thing I ever did was when Reegan was little she went throught this stage were she got up every night. So the one night I decided to ignore it she stopped crying and when back to sleep. When I got up the next moring she had be sick in her crib she had it all over her the poor thing. I felt terriable
Um...I am speechless...I am laughing hysterically, but I am speechless.
I have absolutely no experience in this area at all. I do think if I had seen what you saw though, I would have passed out.
I have heard of butt paste. But not Magic Butt Cream.
Good stuff, huh?!?
And I was thinking my week was something starting with cat puke. Whew...you've got the winner now.
Hope all balls behave for the remainder of your week :0)
Poor Daniel...although I am trying not to laugh....waaay funny post.
Yep it's a laugh having litlle boys...ermm I mean the actual person and not the things between their legs!
Laughing my behind off, visions of the Momma Machine doing warp speed . Hope the boys like a little magic and things are back to size tomorrow.
Oh, Steffie...at least Daniel is little! I became a first time mother of a boy to a kid that was already six years old...and I was a little taken aback to discover the child wasn't circumcised...so I had to ask my doctor WHAT I should do for him in the way of daily hygiene (this being a kid that couldn't be left to clean his own face, even)! (And there were a few more details that I shant go into her that left me totally perplexed and more than a little worried before my own embarrassing trip to the doctor's office!)
Glad Daniel has medicine now...hope he's all well soon!
(And I LOVE the photos of your home, below! What a neat place to live! And tell Emmie congrats on excelling so far in school! That is so cool. Seventh grade is rough...especially when other kids are cruel...she is one great kid and it shows a lot of character that she excelled in spite of the trials.)
I buy some ointmemt from the pharmacy in town.I use it when I get a heat rash down south (am I telling this to all the blog world)?
It works wonders clears it up over night I kid you not.
If I were nice (and I am at times) and I remember I will send some with Becky to give to you.You will be amazed.
The pharmacist makes it himself and it is GREAT!!!
Maybe you can buy it in bulk and sell it to friends in your area.
Only thing is it does not shrink things like you want your butt cream to do.LOLOL good thing.
Hope all is going better by now.I am sure it was not funny to you but it was sad but entertaining reading for us.
You may delete this after reading so everyone does not have to read about my southern rash.LOLOLOLBut if you don't what the heck others will be splitting a gut reading this as well.After all I am just being myself!!!
Have a GREAT DAY tomorrow.
Oh I hope things get better and the **** heal.
Poor pumpkin !
I am up for that cocktail !
:)
OMG had to come back and say I am still laughing at your post (sorry Daniel)!
Hope the cream lives up to it's name!
You are such a trip!
I'm over here thankin' my lucky stars I don't have little boy parts to tend to over here...
That poor little sweetheart! I'm so sorry that you had such a horrible experience, Steffie. That must have been so awful. Don't be hard on yourself, sweet girl as you did EVERYTHING right in my eyes.
Your kids are lucky to have you.
Oh..hope you are having that adult beverage now and I would love to join you : ) You are a wonderful Mommy and like you, I would have gone to the doctor too. Love the magic booty creme.
What a way to start the day! Poor guy! Glad he's sleeping, he must be feeling better!
Christine
p.s. I wasn't able to view your blog on Mozilla Firefox browser, but I could on my Internet Explorer browser. Very odd...
Welcome to the world of "Moms of Boys"!!! Hope the butt cream does the trick!!!
You are so funny. You could seriously be a stand-up comedian. You have to be in my travel group!!!
OMG that is so awful. poor guy. Morgan has had some pretty bad burns from pooh and you feel just so bad for them. Cutting teeth can be so hard on them. :( I have found that Boudreaux's Butt Paste works the best when they are really red. She doesn't scream when I put that stuff on her. You can get it at Target or Wal Mart. Not sure if you have heard of that.
I feel bad that I am reading your post and cracking up. I know that it wasn't funny to live through, but hopefully after it is all healed you can look back and laugh. You are a great story teller! I sure enjoy reading you blog!
www.heart4malawi.blogspot.com
GIRL! You HAVE to write a book !:)
Poor little kid. Don't feel guilty it has happened to me and I have 3 boys! I hope he feels better!!!
Never heard of Magic Butt Cream. When Mickey was in diapers, I always had a cream that my MIL would send me from PR. It was a mix of 3 creams and in 1 day it would clear him completely. Maybe it was Puerto Rican Magic Butt Cream who knows LOL!!
Ohh I wish I could join you for that drink on your sundeck! Too far though sigh!
Poor guy! That must have been rough.
Hopefully this morning was much calmer. :)
OIh Steffie...I'm so sorry about Deedal's , um...parts! Poor kiddo. My son always waited until we were out of town to get his doosies of diaper rashes. My youngest is now in panties...and I still have a tube of cream in the travel case...guesss I don't want to be caught off gaurd! :o)
Blssings to you and the little ones-
Andie
PS...how was your coctail? I think I'll need one by the end of the day!
Poor little guy. I have never heard of Magic Butt cream. There is actually a prescription for such a thing?
Jack had that problem a couple of times also. We had a prescription for a diaper rash cream but not that. Must be a boy thing. Aren't they fun?
So you making margaritas tonight? Hmmm too bad I am not in Michigan.
Wow Stef, you weren't kidding you had a rough day!!
Hope today's much better!
Hope the little guy feels better! You are an awesome story teller -- and, yes, I would love to join you for a cocktail!
OHHHH! Poor little man. You totally have to print out this post and give it too hime someday when he has kids! TOO funny but really although I'm rolling around on my floor holding my gut trying to stop laughing, I want to cry for the little guy!
Oh man. I know you are feeling so awful for the little guy. I did the same thing to one of my babies and she ended up with a raging rash. I felt so terrible for her. I could barely wipe her little bum.
You're a great mom. Don't beat yourself up. I'd be sucking on that cocktail already though!
Rony
p.s. I have no problems seeing your site as long as I log onto internet explorer. Can't see you on Firefox. Isn't that odd?
OUCH!!!!! I hope Daniel is feeling better and that the butt cream really is magic!!! I have two boys and have never encountered this. You must just be lucky!
Kim
Ok, first of all.... poor little guy! What causes that? I can't imagine how frantic you must have been.
Second of all.... I know it's not funny but the way you wrote it was hysterical. I tried not to laught but I couldn't help myself. Please tell Diedle I'm sorry.
Third of all Ms. Dragonfly (Elizabeth) You slay me.
HOpe he's better now.
Love ya and big hug
Daleea
Stef,
You win. No contest.
Let's get together for a drink (with or without the kiddos) AND let's do FM Gardens (with Kimberley, Nikki & Sue & their kiddos).
I'm sure Dr. Breitweiser's pediatric practice will explode with new familes due to this post. Did you warn her?
slather me up in some butt cream
And it's a compound drug. My favorite. Bonus.
I bought Magic Butt Creme in Florida when we were down there when A was a baby. Heard about it on Oprah.
Poor little guy!!!
This is why God gives me girls :o) Hope the little guy is feeling better.
Poor Dude. Hope his nards are better...
Ok, the little guy's pain isn't funny, but your narration is hysterical!
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