I recently have read on a few blogs and have experienced this "phrase" myself......"You aren't really a Mother if you haven't given birth to your own child." I can't begin to tell you how utterly disgusted I am at such a remark. I have even had someone say to me "Well, at least you were able to have some of your own". "Some of my own????? How could such a sentence be said as I am holding my little precious girl that I have fallen so deeply in love with? I know my mouth fell open because I was speechless which is not something that happens to me often. I left angry and then as I cooled down I realized how sorry I felt for this woman. She obviously has no idea what it means to be a Mother even though she has "her own". The love that I have for Sophia is no different then the love I have for any of my other children. Going to China was the most powerful and emotional thing I have ever done in my life. I look at my little spicy girl and think that she is just the whip.....the best gift I have ever been given. ;) If I could get on a plane tomorrow to bring home another daughter that I am already praying for and longing for I would weep with joy! You wouldn't be able to hold me back! I am proud and honored to be apart of the adoption community. I'm proud that my family is a multi cultural family. I'm proud to celebrate all the Chinese holidays and to be raising my daughter from China. I am proud to be sharing all my stories with my blogger friends.....because truly....only you can understand. People that can not look beyond having "their own" can't even begin to comprehend the unconditional love we have for our children. They don't get it. Am I tooting my own horn? Maybe. And I am applauding all of you that have gone on this journey as I have and those of you that are waiting as well. Because in my opinion, we have a deeper sense of unconditional love and have experienced a calling to reach far deeper within our hearts beyond what we ever thought we could do. If you can only love what is "your own"...... then I am sorry......you haven't experienced real love.....you haven't experienced what is means to really be a Mother.
Monday, April 30, 2007
What is a Mother?
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43 comments:
I couldn't agree with you more!!!!
Very well said! I get so tired of people always telling me "oh, I hope you'll be able to have "one of your own" someday! No, I've never experienced childbirth but that doesn't mean I love my child any less. When people hit me with this comment, I always tell them- the love is the same! That usually keeps them quiet. :)
No truer words were spoken; right on!!
Well said. Indeed, biology is not the trump card in loving children.
You are correct ~ it is sad that someone feels like that. Your post is very well said. There is no tooting here. You are amazing. I would have been angry and sad for a long time.
I see your blog has been blinged again. I like it!
It's simply sad how so many people have such a limited view of love.
and what a wonderful mother you are to ALL your children!!!
Biology does not mean motherhood, I wish others knew this truth. Good post.
Bravo!
Teresa
Amen, Amen, Amen. Some people really just don't get it.
Tell it like it is, Stef!!!
Yes!
I am sure I have made a comment or two to people before the was not meant to be taken the way it was.
I often think of adopted children as being an extra special gift from God, because they were chosen to be placed in a special home where God knew they would be loved and cared for by wonderful parents.
As a friend of Steffies who does NOT have an adopted child, I can 'amen' her statements anyway. I can see first hand that she loves all her children the same. I've also witnessed my husband love my daugher as if she were his "very own". Genetics don't make love real. There are plenty of biological parents in nuclear families that stink at loving their kids, wish them away, and have no appreciation for the gift God gave them. Let's applaud the ones that 'get it'!
I am sorry for people who will miss the joy of adoption. They truly don't understand the meaning of motherhood.
Well said friend well said.
shelley
I applaud that Stef! Beautifully written!
-Amy
Well said Steffie. The love and bond I have with my daughter from China is so much deeper than I ever dreamed it could be. It is an incredible blessing to be an adoptive mom.
I have to laugh sometimes when I'm out with just Lauren. I can see the looks from other people that almost say...oh she couldn't give birth to her own children...
If only they knew that I have 3 older ones at home- and that we did not turn to adoption as an alternative, God lead us there by His Spirit!
oh me, i go away for a few days and look what happens ... my friend i completely agree with ya that adoption has changed our life and blessed us beyond what we ever thought. For the first time in our life we get a small glimpse of what the Father feels for us, since we are all adopted. I have had many people ask me "if I couldn't have anymore children of my own." And i simply tell them yes and she is in China and we may even have some children of our own in Africa. We just wait to hear the Father's Voice. lol !!!!
Absolutely perfect. I am so glad to know you my friend.
That breaks my heart! It is so sad... Our children are "our own" and we are their "real" Mothers.
Yeah..I sometimes feel sorry for people who haven't experience motherhood through adoption. What a wonderful community they are missing out on and like you said..if your baby has to share your genetics to be loved by you..then that is your problem. Annslee is very much "my own" as all our children are.
Preach it, sista!
I think some people are beyond understanding, and that is so sad (it's hardest when members of your own family are beyond understanding).
In addition to parenting all of our wonderful children, now we have to educated the masses? Exhausting, I say.
Hey Steph...SPRING IS HERE!!!!!
Thank you for such a fantastic post, you really hit the nail on the head. Now the phrase that is bashing into me all the time is, well, maybe after this adoption you will finally get pregnant. I loathe that staTement and reply Nery snappily, WE DO NOT WANT TO GET PREGANT.
Awesome words!!! You are so right.
Keep smilin!
You said it well, girl!! I'm cheering over here!!!
Powerful, powerful words! I am forever grateful for the blessing of motherhood.
I totally agree. YOU GO GIRL!!!
totally agree, even though I am not yet a mother! ;) lol
Wow, Steffie, your words here were so powerful. And could not be truer! I, too, have run across far too many people with stunted hearts. They just have never known the soul deep joy and awe that we have been blessed with....the connection that goes deeper than genetics ever could...they just don't know. It does leave you wondering if they ever truly knew how to love their "own" children, when they are so ignorant to what the love of a mother is for her child. All of our children are OUR OWN. Totally, completely, unconditionally, wonderfully!
well said
GREAT POST! I totally agree. Like you, I have two biological children. People told me that I might not feel immediately connected to Kate or that I might feel different. I can honestly say that I have never for one moment felt that way. She was immediately every bit my daughter. The love I have for her overflows. I would also do this over in a minute and she has only been home 3 weeks. I actually feel sorry for people that don't know this unconditional love. You get back so much more!
Yep great post, this is all so true.
I feel sad for the people who can't see that.
You know that I couldn't agree with you more...I am so glad that I have friends who truly know the meaning of love and what it means to be a mom.
I LOVE the way God allowed me to become a mommy, and I wouldn't change a thing. I happen to think that Lily is "the whip" too!!!!
Here Here!!
I feel the same way, familes are formed by love, not blood.
Ain't nothin gonna break my stride, ain't nothin gonna hold me down ...oh no....
guuuurl you the bomb!
They say blood is thicker than water...I say love is thicker than blood.
As a busy new mom I am sorry to say that this is the first time I've made it to your site. I can so echo your heart...there is no way I could ever love my daughter more, even if I had given birth to her a hundred times. I love it that she doesn't look like me and has a completely different personality...she's a perfect gift. I honestly feel sorry for others who don't know this kind of love - my heart is like an ocean of love for her, wave after wave.
Very well said!!! Although I will never know the joy of having biological children, I have been so overwhelmed with the joy of adopting Hannah that I feel sorry for those who will never get to experience the same thing.
Well said Stef!
Having a child is not ownership. We don't 'own' anything, least of all have a child of our 'own'. Thank you for writing a wonderful post that reflects this.
I hope many other read your thoughts. Sadly sometimes I feel its the people who aren't reading these blogs who need it most!
Warmest,
Senja.
I couldn't agree more with you and couldn't be more disgusted every time I hear an ignorant comment on adoption. It just rattles my cage.
Very well said!
I totally agree with you and have sadly tried to explain this to more than one person...
I am a child psychologist who gets this all the time in my field. "How can you give me parenting advice if you have never had a kid yourself?" I just think 'kiss off' in my head and work through it.
You are so correct!!
Have a good night!
I totally agree...well said!
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