This past week I was given the file on a 5 year old little girl from China. She had CHD - post operative. Her story was quite sad and her pictures captured our hearts. The growth report was very hopeful and I was happy to know that she is currently with a foster family. Our dreams of another daughter quickly began. However, the report that I got back from my doctor and from our heart specialist showed that her heart issue is quite serious. The necessary surgery and life long medical issues she would face would require a high amount of attention from me. Now while I feel I could do that, both doctors asked me to think about the rest of my children and the possible out come of something devastating in the future even after David and I are possibly gone. That is a burden that at this time I do not feel I can put upon them. My sweet daughter who has been touched so deeply by Sophia's adoption is crying out for us not to leave this child there, that she will get the rest of the children through anything in the future. While my heart sings with joy over the compassion that she has, my heart breaks for what I don't think she completely understands. So at this time, we are still on our journey to bring home another.......again, my emotions are tired, my head cloudy and my heart heavy for feeling like I have let a child go that needs a home. I have decided that I really do need to let this issue rest for a while....I have been trying so hard to find my child and hear what God is telling me to do......I think it is time to just let God bring her to me.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Another Step In The Journey
This past week I was given the file on a 5 year old little girl from China. She had CHD - post operative. Her story was quite sad and her pictures captured our hearts. The growth report was very hopeful and I was happy to know that she is currently with a foster family. Our dreams of another daughter quickly began. However, the report that I got back from my doctor and from our heart specialist showed that her heart issue is quite serious. The necessary surgery and life long medical issues she would face would require a high amount of attention from me. Now while I feel I could do that, both doctors asked me to think about the rest of my children and the possible out come of something devastating in the future even after David and I are possibly gone. That is a burden that at this time I do not feel I can put upon them. My sweet daughter who has been touched so deeply by Sophia's adoption is crying out for us not to leave this child there, that she will get the rest of the children through anything in the future. While my heart sings with joy over the compassion that she has, my heart breaks for what I don't think she completely understands. So at this time, we are still on our journey to bring home another.......again, my emotions are tired, my head cloudy and my heart heavy for feeling like I have let a child go that needs a home. I have decided that I really do need to let this issue rest for a while....I have been trying so hard to find my child and hear what God is telling me to do......I think it is time to just let God bring her to me.
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39 comments:
Praying....... All in God's perfect timing!
Your last statement is so profound. God knows who your child is...He has the plan and while it is hard to wait, patience will bring you the greatest joys of your life.
Praying for you. I hope that a peace will enter your life while you wait for God to reveal your newest "thing" : )
Yes, He does have a plan for you and your family. Have faith and patience. I can so feel your pain. We are in the process of deciding what is best for our family. To continue or do foster/adoption.
Praying for you that you will have peace.
Jody
LID 4/30/07
You are so wise Steffie...you said it perfectly....Let GOD bring her to you! I am certain that is one of the hardest things for a mommy to do....I'll be praying for HIS perfect peace to blanket you as you wait, my sweet friend!
Love you!
Denise
you have been so quiet this week, I Felt something was going on.
I will pray that GOd will bring your child to you...
How precious of sweet Emmie. What a beautiful heart she has.
Isaiah 43:5 Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
6 I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
He will bring your child.
LoveC
I am sooo sorry my friend..
but you will know when it is right in your heart and for your family...
You are soooo strong.. Keep your chin up girly...You are doing what you feels is best.. and that is the right thing...
Hugs...
Love ya girly..
Thinking of you..
when the time is right only God will tell that child belongs with your family. Our prayers with you on this long but worthwhile journey.
Thinking of you and yours and wishing you some peace on the journey.
I will pray for Him to bring you peace as you wait for your daughter (or son) home.
Emmie continues to impress me. She is so responsible and caring. She is a definate diamond in the rough!
What a sweet daughter you have raised. I know your heart must ache, but trust your instincts. God has a plan for you. I am praying that He brings her to you soon.
I want to say something wise but I am at a loss for words... I wish I could reach out and hug you..you know I am here for you any time you need to talk. {{{hug}}}
I don't even know what to say...I love you, my friend. I'm always here.
XO
Steffie,
What a roller coaster ride your heart has been on. Mine goes out to you! I am just going to pray for you. I have no words of wisdom except to sat, considering the children you have already, your commitment to them, is an incredibly wise choice that I can imagine came with great difficulty. My our God, who takes up the cause of the fatherless, and hears our prayers, bring these two promises from His word together in your life. May you be led to the right child for your family, may he give you strength, rest, courage, insight, and favor. May He make a way in the wilderness. May He be lamp unto your feet and a light to your path. Hang in there, and we will wait with and for you!
xxAmy
Oh, Steff, how heart wrenching! I pray that you will find your daughter. I love your loving and open heart. God be with you.
The adoption journey is truly an emotional roller coaster. Hang in there, my friend....God is working and will reveal His works to you in His very perfect timing.
Emmie has a very sweet heart!!
Oh Dear, how difficult it is...believe me we have been there!
You are in our thoughts and prayers...
If you'd like to talk to me about it please feel free emailing me...
Hugs
Saskia
Steffie,
We have been where you are just in the last month! Email me and I can talk to you about it, wankel5@hotmail.com
I am praying that the perfect daughter will be brought to your family!!
Debbie
Sending you hugs and peace...
Steffie,
You are such a lovely, sweet, lady. My goodness, any child brought to you would be a child that is receiving more love than she/he knew what do with.
I understand the heart heavy thing as these things are troubling and making a hard decision takes so much out of us.
Please know, that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lea
xo
You are such a compassionate person, anyone can see that...you have a wonderful life and a beautiful family. I know how much you want to find your child.....he will send you the child that was meant for you and your family.
I know this had to be a difficult decision...one that I wouldn't wish on anyone...you are brave and honest...
Keep the faith Steffie....thinking of you during this difficult time.
Lisa
Steffie, I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this! But just like you said...maybe you should let God bring her to you. Sometimes things don't make sense, but God is so good, he has a plan for you and your family. In the end, it will all work out. I just know it! I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hey Steffie...I knew something was "up" this week when I didn't see many posts from you. I so know how this journey has come to where it is now (we were there not so long ago), but do keep "faith" that it will bring you to where you need to go...
"I think it is time to just let God bring her to me."
.....very wise words, sweet blogger friend.
Praying for peace for you.
Blessings ~
Oh Steffie, I so feel for you, what a difficult decision this must be, but you will know when it's right, and you'll feel it intensely, and that will be when God says "this is it, go for it". I know, because I hear it sometimes just like that. :-)
It's such a tough decision to make and emotionally very tiring.
Your little girl will come at the right time, it's just so hard when you don't know when that time is..
It's such a tough journey with so many decisions to make. I wish it wasn't so difficult for all of us.
This is not for the faint of heart. Cling to your faith and quiet your soul and HE will show you the way!
Sending you hugs!
:)
Amie
Oh Steffie, that had to be very hard. You are right though, God has a plan and I beleive that he will fill you with such peace that you will KNOW His will when the time comes to find your babe. AND HE also has a plan for that sweet little one still waiting.
Sending a cyber hug!
Sending you Big hugs!!!
Good Bless
Wendy
There is nothing fun or easy about this journey, is there?
How incredibly hard it is to read the files of these children who deserve a family, to know in your heart that YOUR family is not the "right" one for that particular child. Rest assured, though, another family might be reviewing her file right now and KNOW (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that they have found THEIR DAUGHTER!! Isn't that amazing and exciting?
Keep your chin up and your faith strong. Olivia is waiting for you, and God will lead her right to your door.
Oh Yes...I love the scripture in Isaiah that Connie quoted. I keep you in my constant prayers Steffie and I know that God has a plan for you and your waiting child.
There are no words,no advice any of us can give that will make the pain easier for you.However knowing that so very many are lifting you in prayer during these times of trial,may hopefully give you some compfort.
I know I can never totaly understand what any of you families go through not having children or not having addopted any children.But that does not mean I can not hurt for you,because when a true friend hurts you hurt with them.
All I am able to do is pray thet God gives you strength,patience, and guidance throuth these times of frustration,questions and waiting.
Knowing you are strong in your faith,I know you will feel his loving arms around you,lifting you up when you are weak.
One of my favorite songs to sing is....
You are my all and all
You are my STRENGTH when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking you as a prescious jewel
Lord to give up I'd be a fool
you are my all in all
Taking my sin my cross my shame,
Rising up again I bless your name
You are my all in all
WHEN I FALL DOWN YOU PICK ME UP
WHEN I AM WEAK YOU FILL MY CUP
You are my all and all.
When I get to the part of when I fall down you pick me up,when I am weak you fill my cup is when the tears start to flow.Knowing that me a sinner by nature who is so undeserving of being picked up when I am weak,what a great gift.
So remember when you are down he will pick you up,when you are weak he will fill your cup.
Rejoyce in his ever presence.
God bless you my dear friend,and may the love and prayers of others pick you up.
Hugs....
Mr.Brian
Praying for you friend.
Did you get the gift I sent? There might be some helpful things in the pages of that gift. Lots of love, friend.
Just stopping by to say I am thinking of you and miss you : )
Oh, honey.... I am so sorry....how precious your Emmie is. God is faithful and He will bring your little one home... I am praying for you. Remember, you can't get to the mountain top with out Him...
God's peace and God's Speed,
Love,
Daleea
Steffie -- I've been lurking on your blog for awhile now, but this post touched me so deeply. You are such a compassionate person... all of this must be so difficult. We also are exploring this route, but aren't exactly on the same page yet. I take great comfort in knowing that God will make our way CLEAR. If it isn't clear, it's not what He wants for us. That can be so, so difficult though. Hugs to y'all.
I've been reading your blog for a while, but I think this is the first time I've actually posted. I understand exactly what you are going through. We too had to pass on a referral with a heart condition when we were adopting. It is one of the hardest things I had to do, but I knew/know that it was the right decision. I cried for days thinking that I could have somehow 'saved' that child and gave her the family she deserved. But you have to follow your heart Steffie. We waited, and God did bring our daughter to us, at a time when I began to lose all hope. Please remember, He has perfect timing... if things were done according to my time table, I would not have my beautiful daughter. Everything would be different. I pray you find peace in your decision and know that He has a plan.
Oh... I did learn that the little girl did find her forever family!
Steffie,
I know this is so hard. God will place the right child in your path at the exact right moment. I know that waiting to see that is so hard but one day you will look back and it will have been SO clear. In the meantime..love on those honey bunches you have at home and trust in HIM (I know you already do both of those:)
Kim
My heart is with you. Continue to listen to God. He will guide you to the perfect child for you.
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