David and Emmie gone for 15 days in Europe, the Pingjiang Reunion, the COP list and Daniel running a high fever yesterday ='s Emotional Exhaustion. I think I am going to take a few days to re-group. I was thrilled to have David and Emmie back home after 15 days being gone. The Reunion was incredible but leaving everyone was quite sad. Daniel was up in the middle of the night, which he NEVER is and was just burning up. The problem......I can barely get any medicine in him. Suggestions anyone? Top that with the COP list and even though I knew we would not be matched, it tore at my heart. I need to say that I am happy with my life. I do live everyday being thankful for what I have been blessed with. HOWEVER......I also have to say that it doesn't really matter if this is your first adoption, if you have children at home or you don't......once your heart is set on adopting and bringing another child home to love and give a family, it doesn't really matter what your story is. I let myself cry tonight.......and as I was walking around the tennis court I realized something else. My "Official" LID might be 4/4/2007.......but my LID in my heart has been since 4/16/2005. The day we boarded that plane to leave China and come home, I knew I would be back. I didn't need to come home and "see how things went", or "take some time to watch and see if Sophia would adjust"......I already knew it was what I was called to do. So although my feelings might seem silly to some.....it is what it is. I'll be back in a few days....catching up on all your blogs and posting things about the Things! ;) Steffie will be back to her old self.......I just need some time.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Emotionally Exhausted
David and Emmie gone for 15 days in Europe, the Pingjiang Reunion, the COP list and Daniel running a high fever yesterday ='s Emotional Exhaustion. I think I am going to take a few days to re-group. I was thrilled to have David and Emmie back home after 15 days being gone. The Reunion was incredible but leaving everyone was quite sad. Daniel was up in the middle of the night, which he NEVER is and was just burning up. The problem......I can barely get any medicine in him. Suggestions anyone? Top that with the COP list and even though I knew we would not be matched, it tore at my heart. I need to say that I am happy with my life. I do live everyday being thankful for what I have been blessed with. HOWEVER......I also have to say that it doesn't really matter if this is your first adoption, if you have children at home or you don't......once your heart is set on adopting and bringing another child home to love and give a family, it doesn't really matter what your story is. I let myself cry tonight.......and as I was walking around the tennis court I realized something else. My "Official" LID might be 4/4/2007.......but my LID in my heart has been since 4/16/2005. The day we boarded that plane to leave China and come home, I knew I would be back. I didn't need to come home and "see how things went", or "take some time to watch and see if Sophia would adjust"......I already knew it was what I was called to do. So although my feelings might seem silly to some.....it is what it is. I'll be back in a few days....catching up on all your blogs and posting things about the Things! ;) Steffie will be back to her old self.......I just need some time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
45 comments:
Steffie,
I understand completely. When we boarded that plane for home with Isabella I knew without a shadow of a doubt I would return for another baby. I just knew. I have to admit the wait for Charlotte was harder for me. It was over 4 year later before my dream became a reality. I felt I had no right to complain because I had Isabella already ... but the truth it was a very hard wait. I guess our feeling are our feeling and we should embrace them ... and if they seem silly to some then that is all we can do!
I'm feeling guilty. Our conversations and lamenting about the COP process didn't help you yesterday. Sorry, kiddo. I won't bring up this topic again, unless you want to talk about it. (((hugs))) from one COP hopeful to another!
Kim Kenward
http://youbelong.net/thekenwards
Your feelings are not silly! And you should take the time that you need to re-group. It is ok to cry, take your time as we will all be here when you are ready.
Hope Daniel feels better!
Oh sweetie...you have every right to feel what you feel. I hope the quotation I sent you didn't make you think I was implying you don't live in the moment and feel blessed b/c I KNOW you do. It was just one that seemed to help me sometimes. It is so difficult when you are so ready to open your arms to hold another child but that child isn't there yet. Like you, I am busy with Annslee but that doesn't mean I'm not ready for Malia. I tire of people saying "well, at least you have one" Grrr... It seems to imply that our next daughters aren't as important and we know they are.
Hang in there...
Oh sweetie...you have every right to feel what you feel. I hope the quotation I sent you didn't make you think I was implying you don't live in the moment and feel blessed b/c I KNOW you do. It was just one that seemed to help me sometimes. It is so difficult when you are so ready to open your arms to hold another child but that child isn't there yet. Like you, I am busy with Annslee but that doesn't mean I'm not ready for Malia. I tire of people saying "well, at least you have one" Grrr... It seems to imply that our next daughters aren't as important and we know they are.
Hang in there...
Steffie -
I feel for you. It is so normal to get these funks when we are missing a part of our family we have not yet met. To me, it doesn't sound silly at all.
Take your time, know people care how you're feeling and know she WILL come at the end of this hard road.
I hope sweet Daniel is feeling better and, overall, things are looking up.
Father God, please tend to Steffie in her time of sadness. You have blessed her with such a sweet and tender heart, and I know that You know exactly what she needs. Help her to turn to You for renewal. Please bless and renew and comfort and sooth her during this time. We praise You now for what You are doing in her life. We love You. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.
Take time to yourself... you need it... I know what you mean when it hurts just as bad when you have children already or not...I have 3, and I just started this process too.. and it hurts to know that I will not have my little girl in my arms for probably a couple of years.. I think positive..but it is still in the back of my mind... I can not wait to go through this journey to China and know that I am saving my little girl and making our family that much more loveable..
Hope you feel better.. I give you a blogger hug..
Kim
I know what you are going through. I have 3 great boys, and it seems like we have been waiting FOREVER for Arianna to come home. We have a LID of 11-15-06, and it seems like the referral will never come.
I have already shared with my husband that I want to bring a sister home for her as well, but he has put it on the back burners until we get Arianna home.
When all else failed, and I could not get the boys to take their meds, I would mix it with a small amount of formula, juice or breast milk in a bottle. Hope Daniel feels well soon!!!
You do need time, and take all you need. You have a huge heart, so I can understand it being a little broken. I'm sorry Daniel is feeling bad. We would have to hold S.G. down and squirt the medicine in the side of her cheek. It was harder to spit out.
Hang in there Stephie! We are all here for you and will hold you up during your break. Enjoy your break and take a bubble bath. :)
Hugs! Get some rest and I hope everone feels better soon.
Keep smilin!
OKay, your post made me cry. Mainly because this is EXACTLY how I have been feeling the last couple of days yet I have not shared that with anyone until now. Your post just validates how I feel about wanting my next daughter so bad right now. I have been feeling a little down about "the wait" being so long. I thought since I already had a daughter that this second adoption would be easier. In a way, it's almost harder and I am sure you know exactly how I feel. Thanks for sharing your heart. Praying for you my dear friend.
Adele
I'm sorry to hear Daniel isn't feeling well -- but I'm glad it happened now rather than while you were gone...at least he has his momma home to make him feel better. Take all the time you need. You know I'm always here if you wanna talk. I'm glad you let yourself cry -- you're not being silly at all...part of your heart resides in China...
I totally understand...that is a lot to deal with in a very short period of time. Take care of yourself and I will pray that you will be feeling better soon....Daniel too!
I hear ya!!
I'm in the EXACT same boat right now...
This is REALLY hard.
Take as much time as you need...you know ALL of us will be here when you get back!
Blessings!
Dawn
You take care of yourself. Sounds to me like you are just plai worn out from everything.
Get back to yourself and come over and ask any silly question you can think of.
Hi Steffie,
Hope your feeling better soon. Love your blog and love your spirit.
((Hugs)))
Totally understand. Summer is such a busy time. Hope things get better soon.
Steffie,
You have every right to fell this way!
I hope you get some much deserved time and rest.((((hugs)))
Take the time, sweetie. All the time you need. Sometimes we just need that.
PS- I love that you said that it doesn't matter if you have children at home or you don't, it's still so taxing on your emotions. I have heard people say that it must be much easier for me because I have kids at home. Sometimes it is, sometimes not so much....
Oh Steffi. Gosh, where to begin. I'm so sorry. Yes, you have every right to feel sad. It's not silly at all. I think it's probably actually harder being that you have experienced the journey. The wait is no easier the second time around. Take time to yourself. We are all here for you.
I am wrapping my arms around you and giving you a giant Rony hug. Smooches to you pretty lady.
I know what you mean. Taking time in the summer to just relax is kinda hard.
So sorry that you are feeling down. I think that is OK. Allow yourself to feel sad. Adopting and parenting are matters of the heart. It is impossible for things to be positive and happy at all times. I try to remember that there is much to learn from the sadness part of this journey a well.
I am with you about having other kids doesn't diminish your desire for the child you are waiting for. We are pregnant, and people keeping saying, "I bet you are OK with the wait times extending." I say NO WAY!!!! We want Claire tomorrow! Our "tummy baby" is a TOTAL gift, but not a replacement for the girl in our hearts.
SO - did you just get into my mind and read it?!?!! That is ME to a "T"!!! I totally understand and I'm just going to do NOTHING tomorrow - except maybe Blog!!! (I haven't been able to do that like normal since vacation!!)
Get some rest and take care of you. I pray Daniel is all better. I know how hard the wait is. Wish I could make it better.
We understand, we truly understand.
Be kind to yourself.
Take all the time you need. What better time than summer in Michigan to take a much needed (and deserved) break?
Hope Deedal is feeling better soon, and I really hope the CCAA gets it's act together and starts matching full months again SOON!
I understand exactly what you're going through -- the wait SUCKS and it's too stressful for words.
Enjoy your break...
you are never alone and crying is good for the sole. i think we are all with you when you say you knew you would be back... there are days i just miss the country of china because that place will always have a piece of my daughters ... i love you! and am always here for ya !!!! hope daniel feels better soon ...
We too, said in China we'd LOVE to adopt again. It was a God thing, why and how we came to adopt the first time. (I explain it all on our 1st website www.journeytosophia.com)
Financially, I'm not sure how and when, and that's hard.
(((((Steffie)))))
Yes, you've been through a lot so you deserve some rest...
We love our kids as soon as they are in our heart not in our arms. Your feelings are not silly at all. I know for me, our 2nd journey to adopt is tougher than the 1st one.
Take care of yourself and your little man.
Take all the time you need, sweet girl. You have a whole netwrok of friends here who will be waiting for you when you get back. Take care of yourself.
Rest. Crawl up onto God's lap, lay your head on his chest and listen to the calming rythmn of His heartbeat while he holds you close. Let His peace flow into
you and comfort you and rejuvenate you.
please...you're not being silly at all...besides crying is good for you, cry away...it helps you feel better...
so sorry to hear about deedel...hope he's back up to feeling 110% soon!!
Take care Steffie. hugs
Take all the time you need. We're here for you. ((hugs))
Hi Darling,
I would be an emotional mess too if I had all that on my plate.
Just remember you are a dynamic woman with very warm heart. Keep focused on your goals and you will get there. But taking time to recharge is a must.
Sending lots of love to you.
Ps
re: meds for little boy: tylenol suppositories for high fevers. And they make freezies with medication in them.
hope this helps
Hugs to you! You are such an inspiration - thank you for being so honest with your feelings! I hope you are feeling better soon
Ohhh, I so get what you mean! Hope you get some good rest and refreshing !!
Amy
Hope you feel better. That is so amazing how you just knew what you were called to do and how you want to go back to China. That is really touching
I totally understand, from the moment I sat in the adoption agency office that was when I was ready for my daughter.
Take your time, take a deep breath and enjoy your family.
Sending you loads of hugs..xxx
BTW, hope Daniel will be better soon.
Smother your family with hugs and kisses and take time to heal thyself...
Take all the time you need. I pray for God's peace to just flood over you right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God has placed this passion in your heart and will see it fulfilled.
Just checking in to see how you were doing. Hope you have an awesome weekend!
Hey mom, hang in there. Praying for ya. Everything will be ok :)
Post a Comment